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Writer's Block: Bah Humbug Day!

Take a deep breath. Now rant about something.

The new LJ community/comments page layout looks like the old one did when my internet was lagging and so the page didn't load all the way.

I hated it when I had to deal with it long enough to hit "refresh" and I really hate it now that it's official.


So, Max left for Seattle, without calling to hang out one last time or even to say goodbye. I guess it's not like we have no idea when we'll see each other again (she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.) I mean, for fuck's sake, I only gave you a place to live for a year. After she got back, she put up a Facebook status of "Thanks Tom and Anna for being the greatest friends a girl could ask for!"

Yeah, fuck you.

In other news, my parents think I spend too much time indoors/on the computer...which is true. So I lied to the president of APO and told him I couldn't be at the meeting this Sunday. You see, my family and some family friends go canoeing every year before the "back-to-school preparation" rush starts, and this year is scheduled for this Sunday.

Apparently, all the canoes are filled/paired up. My mom asked if there was anyone who could go with me. Yeah, sorry, but it's not exactly my fault all of my friends moved to different states over the years and I'm a back-burner friend for the others.

Seriously, the next time they tell me I need to get out more, I'm referring them to every single time I've tried and failed because of a change of plans from them.
I recently (a month ago, whatever) moved out of the house I had been renting with some friends. Some of you guys know the one - the one that one of the housemates disappeared from without a word. Apparently, that room is cursed.

In which my (stolen) philosophy of 'I'm not anti-social, I just can't stand people' makes me unsurprised.Collapse )

Rereading the Harry Potter series.

Goblet of Fire, chapter one, Voldemort to Wormtail:

"...[a task] that many of my followers would give their right hands to perform..."

I see what you did there, Voldy.

Jun. 24th, 2010

Icon has never been more appropriate.

To those I promised filled prompts: I am sorry for the delay. I had quite the real life situation deluge recently, from a housemate who was supposed to take over the lease disappearing to moving to internet crashing to getting a new computer.

And that last is the reason behind my delay. My old computer is a piece of crap, but everything I needed was on there: I'd started the stories on there and had all the prompts I wanted to attempt in the future bookmarked in organized files. The thing about A.J. (my old computer), however, is that she somehow generally knows when she's about to be replaced. Actually being replaced sent her over the edge. Long story short, for the first time in months, she restarted herself for updating purposes...without autosaving my stories, the progress for which I'd never saved manually because I was too busy playing with my shiny new toy.

I'm not sure if I'm going to try them again, or if I already got the need to write them out of me the first time, but I apologize again anyway: I hate when someone claims a prompt and then never fills it, but I may end up doing just that.

Let's Talk About Words, Guys

I've always had a special attachment to words. I'm not exceptionally adept at using them in a verbal capacity, but when I'm writing or typing, I come back and there are words I didn't even know I knew lurking in the sentences. When I was a little girl, I loved the word "envelope" - my classmates didn't know it (or didn't know how to spell it), it was the largest word I knew at the time, and it fascinated me how the letters looked coming together.

I am almost twenty-one years old and I've been an English student for all of them. Words have been my life.

So when someone says something is 'just a word', no matter what that word is, it's off to me.

Especially, however, if someone says it about a hateful word.

Yes, connotation and contexts plays a major part in how we all take words and sometimes we take them back and make them powerful in a good way, but sometimes that can't happen. It can't happen because there will always be a whisper of someone using the word in insult, and that spreading until suddenly everything you've done to try to make it "just a word" is gone and it's a poison, under your skin and you know it's there but you don't know where it's coming from or how to stop it.

I have been called names all of my life, and because I don't generally like people or socialize at all, I hear much of what people don't want to say about other people in proper society. That scares me, what people are saying behind my back. It scares me in particular when I think of what people will say to my face. If it's okay to say insulting things about me to my face, what could they be possibly be whispering about in private? Things that are far too horrible to speak aloud in public, that even they recognize as hateful, so they try to lock in away in whispers.

Words, in a way, are worse than physical blows. When it comes to physicality, the proof is there: this is painful, here are the bruises I received from their hate, this is real. But someone insults you and does it with a smile on their face, you can't do anything about that. You look around and wonder if you're the only one hearing this and you can't do much about it except try to use words back, and even still, those words are already inside you, festering, infecting, poisoning, and there isn't any proof.

I've always at a knack at offending people on the internet.

Which, of course, of all the prompts in all the memes, mine's the one who draws someone to criticize it. I wanted a prompt based on the fact that Finn used a word with a negative connotation in anger and hate. I wanted to see Rachel affected by that, because she's sixteen and no matter how much her fathers undoubtedly tried to protect her from it, there's no way she hasn't heard them being called horrible things. I did not ask for Kurt to play any major part of it. In fact, the only names I mentioned were Rachel and Finn, and gave a brief situation. The rest was up to the writer. The writer delivered and it was a lovely story centered around the prompt and the rest of the details filled in by the writer.

But, of course, because it's my prompt, I received a comment that claimed it was "just a word, god, get over it."

I am over it. I've been over it since elementary school where I was teased for loving books and being small. I've been over it since middle school where I was called a dyke. I've been over it since high school where people would sit next to me on the bus so they could verbally harass me while I tried to read and concentrate on my music. I've been over it since college, where I would overhear plans to jump me after work.

And in all the prompt memes in all the fandom, why is mine not worthy of being written? People request character deaths and hate crimes and they get pages of "I would love to see this." I ask for a reaction from a girl who would definitely react in canon, but we'll probably never actually see, and I get a 'Get over it'? It's an angst meme and I wanted to see how someone would write the scene.

I said before I'm 'over it', but I still recognize and respect the power that words hold.

And if any of this even made you feel anything even remotely, so do you.

May. 28th, 2010

So, earlier today I submitted the following prompt to the glee_angst_meme:

Rachel - who is probably feeling even closer to and grateful for her dads than ever before after resolving her mom issues - hears about Finn using the word "fag."

A few hours later, it was filled.

So go and give some love to my anonymous response writer.

Or write me another one. I'm easy.

And a little greedy.

Glee - 1x20 - Theatricality

Because no one on the internet can agree on anything ever.

Cut for SpoilersCollapse )

May. 25th, 2010

Going to see Something Corporate August 18th. I'm ridiculous amounts of excited. I mean, I've seen Jack's Mannequin, but I fell in love with Something Corporate first and I thought I'd never have a chance to see them, but now I am and I can't wait. I almost chose to go all the way to Arizona since my birthday is August 23 and that show is on the 22nd. I was totally going to be like "So, Andrew, as of ten minutes ago, the government recognizes me as twenty-one years old. Drinks on you, right?" But plane ticks are insane and I'm paranoid about driving long distances and my classes start on the 23rd anyway.

I'm planning on requesting he sing Happy Birthday to me at the Arizona one, though. :| Or Down (first song of Andrew's I ever heard) or Walking By and dedicating it to me. Yus.

We closed the 3 x Tenn two days ago! \o/ Not my best work at all, but I stole a copy of Suddenly Last Summer and my scene partner's brother told me I looked fifteen, so yay.

Speaking of theatre and classes, the "new space" is finished and I went and wandered around yesterday. Everything's so new and shiny and lovely and as soon as I get a new camera and/or phone, I'm going to go back and take pictures of both the old space and the new one to give actual perspective as to why this is so exciting.

I'm picking up an angst prompt, and it looks like it's going to be a massive project for me which means it will never be finished ever. I don't know what's wrong with my attention span. Scripts, I can have entire monologues memorized within the hour. Maybe not word-for-word, but a rough idea of where I'm going. I was bored backstage (the show was set up "This Property is Condemned" [my show, ~20-30 minutes], "Something Unspoken" [~20-30 minutes], Intermission [10 minutes], "Suddenly Last Summer" [~one hour and twenty minutes], Curtain Call), so I ended up downloading an app for logic grid puzzles (my favorite type of logic/grid puzzle) to my iPod and I finished all of them in a day.

But I can't study and I can't sit down and write and finish a story. I don't know.

Finally quitting my coffeeshop job. I love the work, don't get me wrong, but that atmosphere was getting so hostile. I wanted to go work for Starbucks, but I really don't have time to chase around their managers. I've called about four times in the past week and every time have been told the managers will be in "tomorrow between ten and two", and that's if they're not on vacation for a month, as has happened twice for the same store. So, instead, I'm taking a job at the Waffle House where even if I only get two shifts a week, that will still be more hours than I'm getting in a month at the Coffee Beanery. Also, we get biweekly checks at CB. Where I used to be pulling almost $400 per check, I now am at $73, apparently. I could make that in a single night working the Waffle House (yay tips.)
Some of my castmates in the Three by Tenn were also in The Long Christmas Ride Home with me. Last night, we got around to talking about our favorite flubs, and I wanted to record these:

'Shiiiiiiiit.'Collapse )

'Three children...don't...care about you!' [beat] [angry knife sharpening]Collapse )

Commentary on a Glee Fluff Meme promptCollapse )


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